The Lies I Live By.

Alone you’ll certainly be eaten alive. You must run. Run to the arms of those who love you most. Only with them will you be able to make a stand. Only with them can you open your mind. Open your heart. Open your soul. Only with them can you gain freedom from the hordes of demons that flow from inside you. It’ll take courage and strength to win this war, but you’ve already proven those attributes being the silent host to such an agonizing mental parasite. Run, Fight, and Live.

Deep doesn’t begin to describe it. You plunge into the depths of your heart to explore its hidden truths. The deeper you delve the more lost you become. This place is full of darkness, but you’ve never felt more at home. You’ve never felt more alone. You cry for help, but nothing leaves the confines of your thick walls. Eventually you don’t want to be found. But to know true happiness you must find yourself. Escape. Someone like you would never be found in such a deep depression.

Life does seem like a dream doesn’t it? More often than not we walk through this paradise with our eyes closed. The world seems so much darker that way. It’s only when we realize our continuous dream that we can control it. Lucidity comes through pure power of will. In order to build the life you want you must open your eyes. Let nothing distract you. Never allow yourself to forget the dream. The dream of a better life. It’s time to wake up, you’ve got a lot of work ahead of you.

…Eye of the beholder, and all that. People say fireworks are beautiful. The concept of something dying in order to bring joy to others; I agree. Meteors. The concept of something innocent being pulled from its original path only to be destroyed by the very same entity that pulled it; I agree. Less abstract- A girl twisted by the world; I agree. We’re all monsters. Only those who can manage to dig their claws into themselves rather than others, deserve to be called beautiful.

There is something about Youth that makes it to crave adventure to no end.

Unfortunately our fathers and their fathers alike have begun to tame this world and attempted to do the same to Youth.

Like an animal backed into a corner Youth now only considers the most drastic of all remaining options.

Hunted and without provisions, Youth, with duel purpose creates its own artificial adventure.

Alcohol, Drugs, Sex, Lies, Risks, Violence, Suicide, Youth’s double edged swords. Cutting down anyone foolish enough to attempt control over Youth, as well as providing nourishment for its bottomless belly.

Unfortunately for the beast that is Youth, as well as its host, the sword cuts both ways.

Hey little birdie,

Why is it that when I don’t want you

you peck at my head as if I’m as dense as a tree?

Hey little birdie,

Why is it that when I want you

you fly away so high and so far away?

Hey little birdie,

Why is it that when I’m alone

I can still hear you singing in the trees?

Hey little birdie,

Why is it that you refuse to nest with me

even when I promise I’ll never clip your wings?

Hey little birdie,

Wont you please fly through my window

and come sing to me?

(Birdie = Memory)

And so we continue ever forward. Ever more. Never faltering. Although not our fault the burden is still ours to bare. Barely managing to exist. Forced to persist. Unable to resist. Able body. Broken mind. Mind your manners in the company of monsters. Beasts who accompany us on our only journey. We are pages in Life’s long journal. Pages with words of action. Living our lives as our words are read aloud by unseen voices. Unseen forces. Forcing the pages to turn. Pages already read turn in their ever growing graves at the sight of fearful pages sticking. Cowards unable to live. Untouched by thrill. Intentionally untying themselves from any and all bindings. Always in need of rest, although never actually in action. Never actualizing their potential. Potentially going to complete waste. Still completely capable of being the most beautiful of all masterpieces. To you empty page I plea, display your vast capabilities. Find it within yourself to truly live. Do not let yourself seize up or slow down. Instead seize what is yours. Seize your kingdom. Seize the gaze of the seen and unseen. Seize the day. Carpe Diem. Carpe Noctem. Carpe vitam.

I see through two pairs of eyes. Imagination merges with reality. Growing up is a matter of being taught how to dance by my dreams. I might step on a few toes, make a few mistakes, or even trip and fall, but it’s always worth it. It’s all about love.  Love for everyone because there is nothing more rewarding and freeing. I am free. Free to listen to the music that is this crazy life that I lead. Free to let it flow through me, and resonate inside me. Free to step with it, instead of against it. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. 

It rips your eyes wide open, it shakes the shit out of you, and it throws you on the floor. Your demons surround you and smile at you. But they don’t realize. I’m better than that, I’m better than them. My mere pulse shakes the ground they stand on. I rise, unrestricted. I tower over them, as they cower into whatever hole they can hide themselves inside of. This day does not mark the death of my sister. This day marks my awakening; my escape from ignorance. This day will forever be a tribute to her. 

Suz, I hope your demons have been purged, your pain has been released, and that you’re finally getting your well deserved rest.

I love you with all my heart and I always will.